Nut News: Reports of the Wherehows, Whatfors and Whereabouts of all the Nut All Stars t4 late spring ’94
George Willard and Will Simmons Do A Split
Nut music has joined forces with the Bees Make Honey label to release split EP, all wax, record. The two performed an in-store appearance a and record signing at the Record Bzchange in Blacksburg. Amidst a makeshift stage of 45’s, Willard and Si1DD1ona performed and howled through selections of their back catalog and material from the record. The Record Exchange reported that a dramatic number of the new Pink Floyd CD’s were sold during the hour long in store appearance. The record features 7 songs, 3 from Willard and 4 from the more prolific Simmons, drunken liner notes from the infamous Oualye Smithers and hand made covers with not a one of them being exactly the same.
Nut Music’s Summer Tour Fiasco Extravaganza Planned
Some form of Nut music’s publicity/goodwill department will be hitting the road this summer, hanging out at the MTV beach house and hoping, God willing, to be discovered in the obscurest part of the nation. Sal Amoniac, George Willard and Ralph Wiley, who made up the Blacksburg super-group-before-it-was-a-super-group, The Rex Morgan M.D. Trio, may play under the assumed name Infant Mort or may not play at all. Look for them on a street corner near you.
Nut Undercover Research Project Profiled
Nut music president, Doug H. Nut has spent some time working as substitute teacher in American high schools under an assumed name, observing youth culture and studying the marketability and buying habits of today’s teenagers.
A Tony R. Boies/Sal Amoniac Update
Tony R. Boies reports that he spotted Sal Amoniac’s name associated with a pornographic movie, and no, Sal did not have a song on the movie’s soundtrack. Tony is sure he’s not confusing Sal with Salvador Amour as was reported in Nut News #2 and swears Sal Amoniac’s performance in Return to Howard’s End is not to be believed. Meanwhile Tony is biding his time in the middle of Middleton, Virginia and la busy with other projects eifpecially his Lisa Suckdog covers compilation as well as keeping track of the comings, and goings, of Sal Amoniac.
Nut Music Releases Freeform Liberation Front’s Final Effort
No one is going to believe that a bunch of aliens started a rock band. Especially if you read it here. But it’s true. It happened in Blacksburg, Virginia. The aliens wanted to know how they could tame, overtake and eventually overpower America’s youth culture. The aliens themselves developed powerful egos and their so called “rock and roll mission” ended due to creative differences. One witness “Well, they looked very much like four college students so it looked said, all right to me” Meanwhile Freeform Liberation Front’s final tape Revolution Overdrive made the highest debut in Nut Music sales chart history at #10.
Alzo Boszormeini Project Hired in the Hix
Rob Christiansen of Eggs perfecting the mix of what should prove to be of the bands most inspired work since the last time they released some tape. Possible spinoff projects include a single and a song on the a soundtrack to Sal Amoniac’s upcoming porn film tbe Flintbones, but expect at least a cassette entitled Ouagadougou.
Finn McCool Forgets Guitar, Cancels European Tour
A drunken and inebriated Finn McCool canceled what gigs he may have played on his European tour because he forgot to bring his guitar. Finn and his entourage boarded separate planes bound for Ireland, all except Finn’s damn guitar and he refuses to play another. “Yeah, in mid air it hit me, but they wouldn’t turn the plane back,” Finn said in what doesn’t sound like an Irish brogue. “But the main thing was that it was St. Patrick’s day and we had some celebrating to do.”
Bro-Jack: Nut Music’s Lost Nut
The recorded documentation of Bro-Jack on Nut music is minute, yet within the Nut community he remains one of the larger icons. His autographed “Bro-lo paddle” photographs, given away for a time with catalog requests, are not to be denied. Bro-Jack’s minimal output was captured on tape on two occasions. His two spoken word rants graced Nuts Another Sampler?l? while his stylish croonings mingle with Mixed other voices on the Frank’s Organ J-tape. Sadly, Bro-Jack’s major innovation, •Hrrrh Hrh Music• a melodious scat singing was never preserved on tape to be exploited by Nut music. Bro-Jack has retired from life as an Icon and is now a family man living in Braintree, Massachusetts with his wife Bro-Debbie and daughter Emma. Hrrrh Hrh!
Nut Music Seeks a Drum Nut
Every band in the Nut music stable is in dire need of a drummer. You have your choice of working with any of at least 3 bands or chose the group that best fits your needs and schedule. The desired drummer would be a cross between Ringo Starr and Olatunge. For serious inquiries more information can be obtained by writing Nut music, P.O. Box 5033 Herndon, VA 22070
Nut Music Slogan Contest Winners Announced
There’s a three way tie for first in the Nut music Slogan Contest:
The consise–NUT MUSIC: GO NUTSl; GET SOHE NUTS; GIVE SOME·NUTS;
YOU’RE NUTS IP YOU’RE NOT NUTS; NUTS ON YOO; and NUMB MOTS which is obviously too long and will be shortened to GO NUTS! was submitted by
members of the U.S. House of Representatives.
The philosophical–NUT MUSIC: H°”‘ MANY BITS DO YOU NEED? –Inspired by
Ted Craig commenting on a Blind Melon Video and the very
pragmatic–NUT MUSIC: THE BEST PRICES IN THE INDUSTRY from Peter
Geddes. As you can tell, none of these slogans were any good.
